Of Arms And Men I Sing

Video

Mon, 01 Feb 2010 13:30:01 -0500

Photo

Fri, 22 Jan 2010 23:56:36 -0500

Photo

Fri, 22 Jan 2010 23:55:50 -0500

Photo

Fri, 22 Jan 2010 23:54:54 -0500

Coming Home

Wed, 13 Jan 2010 10:02:15 -0500

It’s really quite amazing how many people travel every single day, all around the world. Planes, trains, buses, cars, bikes, or on foot. Look how far we’ve come, from bare feet, to shoes, to wheels, to engines and to wings. People have gone to space! But, there is a universal longing when you travel embedded in everyone that cries out for a return to normalcy. A return to your own house, your own room, your own bed; Your home.

I think it’s a normal process as a kid growing up in the U.S to bitch and moan about how shitty our country is. I did it all my life, and I understand where everyone is coming from, don’t get me wrong. BUT, the stuff we complain about, is the same stuff people abroad bitch about in regards to their govrenments. There are protestors outisde of parliament bitching about war, taxes, politics, lies, what have you. Being abroad makes you realize how amazing your home is though. No where can compare to your family, your friends, your favorite foods, your favorite hangouts, etc. I loved it here, ABSOLUTELY FUCKING LOVED IT. This is an amazing country. The food is banging, the people are super nice, the sights are older than our country, the public transportation is first class, and teh drinking age is 18. We met hardcore kids just like us at home, AND THEY KNEW KIDS I KNOW FROM HOME. The world is smaller and smaller everytime I look at it. Still,

I CANT WAIT TO SEE YOU ALL AND BE HOME!!!!!!!

IM SO FUCKING EXCITED

Homesick

Sat, 09 Jan 2010 19:13:59 -0500

You never really comprehend how monumentally important things are to you, until you’ve left them and there’s no way of getting them back. I feel like im in a kind of strange limbo; an international purgatory. Every day in Wallasey with Cathy, Jimmy and Ryan was like a little slice of heaven for me. Ever since my mom died, it’s been rough trying to piece myself back together. My main goal in coming to England was to put those pieces back into me, and in a strange way, it worked. There is so much love and affection stored in that little house on Rappart Road, that you could fill the River Mersey with it and overflow the banks and swallow one mile in each direction. I didn’t realize how emotionally invested I became with that house and those people, until I arrived in London. Now don’t get me wrong, im sure London is an awesome city, and I know damn well I haven’t given it a proper chance to let its true colors shine, but I can’t get over how much I miss Wallasey, and how much I miss my home. I’m a walking hurricane of anxiety, fear, and sadness right now, that im afraid what will happen if I let it out.

For the sake of it, I will give London a shot, but it’s going to be hard. Maybe if I sleep a lot tonight and get some pep back in my step, I’ll be ok. I did wake up today at 7 am, say goodbye to my family who I love and adore, travel 6 hours to a foreign city and then experience the worst fit of homesickness and anxiety I’ve ever had. Its been a long day for sure, and I might be overreacting, but this is how I feel. I love Cadah and for her, I will swallow this sickness im feeling and put on a happy face. We’re going to go out on a date for example, which is awesome for us because we haven’t in a while. Were gunna go shopping and take tours, etc. I just have a hard time being excited because my hearts not into it. My heart, it seems, went home already, and left me here. I need to follow it, but it won’t be 4 days until im able. Plus, im afraid of flying; deathly afraid of flying.

I must sound like a huge idiot, because people would DIE to come to London and I’m moaning about it. COME, it is really interesting, but I just don’t want to be here. It isn’t you London, it’s me. See you in the morning and we’ll see what happens.

I LOVE THESE DUDES

Wed, 06 Jan 2010 17:50:54 -0500

I LOVE THESE DUDES

GO TO THIS SHOW!!!! LIGHT IN MAY!!!!!!

Wed, 06 Jan 2010 17:38:08 -0500

Feb 5 20106:00PAMITY TEEN CENTER w/ FORSAKEN THE SKYWoodbridge, Connecticut

go see this! Light in May is fucking amazing and support my buddy Andy C. He’s had soem of the best local bands over the years, and his new project Light in May deserves every bit of hype they get. I’ll be here as it’s 5 minutes up the street from my college, and you should be too. BE THERE! I cant wait to see this, and it makes me homesick knowing that bands like Curses, Auburn and Light in May are playing without me moving around for them. FUCK!

I liked these a lot I want an Owl chest piece really badly

Tue, 05 Jan 2010 12:31:09 -0500

I liked these a lot

I want an Owl chest piece really badly

Watched her in ‘Sherlock Holmes,’ and now were...

Mon, 04 Jan 2010 16:11:18 -0500

Watched her in ‘Sherlock Holmes,’ and now were watching her in ’ The Red Dahlia,’

Shes super pretty

Jetlag.

Sun, 03 Jan 2010 08:01:32 -0500

Jetlag.

Just about to go to sleep on the third night. Here are some...

Sat, 02 Jan 2010 21:52:27 -0500

Just about to go to sleep on the third night.

Here are some highlights : )

1.) Smooth planeride! I got to watch Night At The Museum 2 and eat good food ( plus some sleep)

2.) Talking late at night with Cath and Jimmy about my family and our history

3.) Jumbo Sausage Rolls and Breakfast for every meal

4.) Leather Jacket from Primark

5.) Sleeping beside the most beautiful girl in the world

7.) Beautiful architecture

8.) Playing X-Box with Ryan and getting beaten over and over again

9.) Sweets

10.) The thought of more of it to come

11.) Sherlock Holmes and my journey to buy a wooden pipe

12.) Being of age to drink

13.) The Accents

14.) Liverpool

Wednesday September 30th, 2009- The Day We Leave I’m currently...

Fri, 01 Jan 2010 14:55:54 -0500

Wednesday September 30^th, 2009- The Day We Leave

I’m currently sitting in John F. Kennedy Airport’s Gate B26, lazily looking around at the terminal and the people that populate it. I must admit my anxiety is at an all time high, and it’s showing. Cadah and I ate at Buffalo Wild Wings in the terminal for dinner and I could barely sit still. My knees were shaking and my eyes were glazed over, apparently, as the waitress pointed out, with pure fear. I think I subconsciously convinced myself it was my last meal, so I ate it fast with a furious intent. I ate all of mine and a quarter of Cadah’s. I HATE FLYING! I hate heights as it is, but flying is a different kind of height; the kind, that if you fall from it, you don’t walk away. The state of the world these days is so tumultuous, that quite frankly, I don’t see how anyone is not nervous flying. I myself am having a hard time keeping my anxiety and fear from ruining my own personal morality and acceptance of other people. This seems odd coming from me, but when your scared for your life, as I am while faced with flying, you begin losing a sense of political correctness and you start judging people. I personally have not done so yet, which I am proud of in my given state.

Tylonol PM is a beautiful creation. Even more so , is Xanex.

It’s 8 o clock now and we will be boarding at 9:30, then we will take off at 10:30 and land at 10 AM in London. From there, we will take a 3 o clock train to Lime Street, Liverpool where my cousin Cath will pick me up and then we will take a short ride in the car to her house. I will be pleased to reach her home, and I will then be excited for the trip. Until then everyone, I love you and I’ll miss you on my trip. Happy New Years guys!

Monday December 27th: 2 Days It feels like my stomach is raging...

Mon, 28 Dec 2009 03:43:26 -0500

Monday December 27^th: 2 Days

It feels like my stomach is raging war with the rest of my intestines, and my chest feels like it is filled with hot lava, percolating like a morning cup of coffee. I have had a cold coming on for the past few days and I’ve been trying to ignore it, but today it’s hitting me hard. My head has joined in on the bandwagon and has produced a dull throb that compliments the rest of my symptoms quite nicely. Ever since we booked the flight a few months ago, my fear has been that I would get sick before we left, which would make the flight and the train ride from London to Liverpool a messy affair. I can only hope that in two days, my consistent funneling of water down my throat, and my campaign for more sleep and more Nyquil will help me achieve good health.

As Americans, we love a good serial killer story. We have created an entire thriving genre that produces movies and books and songs all about serial killers and the mystery that envelops them. WELL, I will be touring the part of London in which one of the world’s most mysterious serial killers claimed countless lives. I will be taking a tour of Whitechapel, London, to find out more about Jack the Ripper and to indulge myself in the most morbid of curiosities and brush up on my “ripperology.” This may seem contradictory to my intense anxiety towards all things involving death, but I am making an active effort to not be afraid anymore. I also love horror movies and stories about murder, and I have ever since I was a kid. My mom introduced me to Chucky at the ripe age of 8, and the Scream trilogy as well as the Blaire Witch Project when I was 10. Then came Friday the 13^th, Halloween, A Nightmare on Elm Street and Kazaam when I was 12. I say Kazaam because Shaq’a acting is atrocious. One of my favorite movies of all time is the Exorcist, and I enjoy novels like The Amityville Horror almost in an obsessive way. The point being is that I am really excited to spend some time touring England’s 1880’s Compton, and I’m excited that I’m not apprehensive of doing so despite my hesitance that I mentioned earlier.

Another thing Americans enjoy quite heavily is the consumption of alcohol, in any of its many forms. In Great Britain, I am legally able to drink as much as I wish, or as little as I wish, with no fear of repercussions ( except a good headache or two). This seems like a silly thing to be excited about, however, I like beer and I like liquor more. I don’t like to get trashed or act drunkenly ( although I do enjoy streaking ever now and again), but I enjoy the taste of a nice cold one, or a glass of a good mixed drink. I am 21 in 9 months, but this trip is giving me a sneak preview, like a trailer before a movie or an appetizer before an entre. I am excited to eat pub food, drink a little, and watch a good football match on T.V. I’m also talented at singing with random strangers in a drunken joyous fashion ( SO LET’S HOPE I GET THE CHANCE!!!!!!)

As you may have noticed, I’ve been playing up stereotypes left and right. England is nowhere near the level of being tea drinking, history loving, poetry writing, drunk singing soccer hooligans as I have explained them. However, I’m doing this, partly because those stereotypes make me laugh, because they stereotype the crap out of us, and because It’s more exciting for a story if they seem different, rather than people just like us who play X Box 360, like television, enjoy fast food, etc A funny story about their active stereotyping of us comes from the last time I went, when a group of my cousin’s friends were hounding me about not having a cowboy hat. They were calling me a yankee and asking me what it was like raising cattle out on the open plain. YEAH! RIGHT?!?!?! I think im the farthest from that lifestyle, although when I was in Bella I tried to get everyone to believe that’s who I was because it made it seem more authentic. I don’t think humans can exist without stereotypes, which is fine with me, as long as they don’t lead to predjudice, although some would argue the mere use of a stereotype is predjudicial enough.

Anyways, two days left and I’m as sick as Disturbed’s generic metal riffs and morphed Pearl Jam vocals. Get it? Down with the sickness? I know, it’s lame, cut me some slack. I’ll miss everyone though. I don’t think I’ve said that. If you want anything while Im there, tell me on my wall on facebook and I’ll do my best to make it happen. See Ya.

Saturday, December 26, 2009: 5 days before It has been six years...

Sun, 27 Dec 2009 01:40:43 -0500

Saturday, December 26, 2009: 5 days before

It has been six years since I last visited the country of my mothers birth, and the respective empire from which my own country hails. Great Britain; the motherland. The country where ghosts aren’t shy about walking around in broad daylight, and soccer (or football as it’s known) is a state approved religion. The country that all angry X Boxers from every corner of the United States focus their rage upon, cussing and damning citizens for acts their government sponsored hundreds of years ago before any of us were born. Yes, the land of fish and chips, tea, and great museums of art and all things naval. It is safe to say I will feel right at home where pastrami, roast beef, horseradish sauce, poetry and awful teeth are all hailed as a sign of character, as opposed to here where those things are deemed strange or unsightly in common company.

It sounds great! All of these outstanding sights, sounds and tastes awaiting me could fit me no snugger than they do. And im excited…. Kind of. There is one downfall to this. England is across an ocean, and because sailing isn’t a viable financial option, I must fly. I must also concede that I am deathly afraid of heights. I must also concede my anxiety is god awful. It grips me by the throat and dictates how I feel about everything. Now in my own defense I don’t let it dictate what I do, but It does change how I feel. I’m obviously planning on knocking myself out, that’s a given, but there are 5 days of freaking out left before I leave. Atleast I’ll have Cadah by my side to keep me company and tell me to be calm ( despite her nervousness about the same subject). Yep, this is going to be an adventure for sure.

Sunday December 27th, 2009 t’s always so late when one stops and...

Sun, 27 Dec 2009 01:39:41 -0500

Sunday December 27th, 2009

t’s always so late when one stops and thinks about their future endeavors, as their brain is idle and it only has so long before slumber to organize survival techniques for the approaching days. Yes, we are hard wired to want to survive, and so our brain, as ass backwards as it can, keeps us awake in a struggle to create a game plan for any mistake or quandary that arises. Stephen Hawking once said, ” It is not clear that intelligence has any long term survival value.” And he is right. I had a deep discussion with a good friend of mine tonight at dinner, and he explained that he had read an article explaining that linguists and those who work heavily with any form of it ( I.e. spoken or written language and it’s components, such as grammar, both realistically and rhetorically) have a far greater understanding of reality, and an inherent ability to assess the human plight, and matters that surround it, on a much higher level. For days, weeks, months, maybe years even, I have been debating the idea of life and death heavily, as well as the meaning of the human experience. I can tell what a person is like within 3 minutes of speaking to them, and I can feel their emotions as if they were my own, based on the words they use to describe themselves. I am constantly embarrassed for people and I constantly reassess my life as it was, as it is, and as I deem it will be. However, I hate it. Why couldn’t I have gotten a cool power, like cooking food with my eyes, or pleasuring a woman from any distance at any time, or invisiblity, or GOOD LOOKS!?!?!?!?! No, I acquired the ” poor, sensitive sap,” power that helps me scare away people and it gives me a cut in the depression line, right to the head of the pack! What does this have to do with England?

I want to be a punk.

I want to spit any which way I please, and cuss and swear in broad daylight. I want to be filthy and mean. I want to push mosh again. Yes these are all traits I desire, and I will stop at nothing to obtain them ( or at-least imitate them for a few minutes until I realize it sucks, and then I’ll move on). Punks have no need for ideas of theology or existentialism. OH GOOD GOD NO! They desire nothing, and they set no standards for themselves. Or at-least so I dream that they act this way. Hell, I would be a dog if I knew for a fact they desired nothing but sleep, spitting and rude language. I don’t want to feel emotions, because traveling, among other things would be easy. The idea that there is nothing to fear but fear itself is a stupid Idea. I fear NOT fearing because not fearing leads to decisions that would endanger my livelihood. I would not have to worry about this idea that terrorists are everywhere ( as it was proven on Christmas day by that man from Amsterdam) and I would not have to worry about getting sexually transmitted diseases from toilets and sinks and people of all shapes and sizes breathing next to me. I would not feel so irrationally about everything because I would be rational, again, if it is how I dream it to be.

Regardless, I am excited to see my family because I haven’t seen them in six years and I believed back then, as I hope now, that they understand me better than any group of people I know, despite QP. I want to be filled with tea and discuss the works of Rudyard Kipling, Geoffrey Chaucer, Emily Bronte and Oscar Wilde. I want to discuss the second World War and the bombings of Liverpool and the blackouts in London. I want to CONSUME myself with something I am semi foriegn to, to lose my fear of things common to me. I WILL LOVE THE WORLD WITHOUT FEAR, and the punks are leading my charge.

Goodnight World.

Yule Tide

Fri, 25 Dec 2009 20:15:55 -0500

Christmas is ideally a time where people set aside their differences and quiet their war mongering inner monologue in the spirit of the holidays. However, we forget how Christmas can bring out the worst in people. No one gets what they want, not entirely anyways. Yeah we settle, and we pretend, but it’s hard for those who have lost loved ones, or couples who want to spend Christmas with their families, but they want their significant other there too. What about wallets who want to give but can’t muster up the strength? Or workers who want to keep working but they can’t find their way? Take time this Christmas to see others in pain, and try your hardest to ease the worries and anxieties of others, no matter how prideful you are or how exausted you are. Merry Christmas everyone.

Hearth

Fri, 25 Dec 2009 00:54:37 -0500

my eyes feel heavy,

my chest filled with hot air that escapes slowly through my pores

as I lay here, warm, with no covers or sheets,

only my hair, my skin and me.

I’m tired of dreaming,

of building little houses nestled deeply in the trees

and a little dirt road that kicks up rocks when you come home,

gravel that deafens the sound of you leaving in the morning.

Let’s stop playing make believe,

grab your coat, and your hat and your favorite pair of shoes

pack lightly my love, you will find what you’re looking for when you come with me

I’ll build you a house why my two bare hands

I’ll set the stone in the fireplace

and I will lay the logs and the flame

and write the novel you will read by the light of the sparks

that whistles and crackles and casts shadows

on a hallway to a bedroom where I will build our bed

and we will sleep, and sleep, and sleep my love

until our dreams are tired of dreaming

and our house has become a home.

This is me watching my good friends In Auburn alongside one of...

Mon, 14 Dec 2009 01:23:27 -0500

This is me watching my good friends In Auburn alongside one of my great buddies Danny Sheridan

The Pie Maker

Wed, 09 Dec 2009 01:45:31 -0500

~~A child runs it’s fingers through~~

~~soldiers, grandparents, cousins and dogs.~~

Clay, sand, silt, gravel

~~miniscule particles held together~~

~~by gravity; by force.~~

~~He shapes the earth,~~

~~into heels, a skirt and mascara.~~

~~He sculpts a fence around a house~~

~~and a dog in the backyard.~~

~~A cat in the window and a pie in the oven.~~

~~Trees, bushes, flowers and dirt.~~

~~Finally a cliff, made of marble,~~

~~perfectly smoothed and buffed~~

~~with letters and numbers~~

~~and vague facts.~~

~~The sun goes down upon the little home~~

~~the woman and the dog and the cat fall asleep~~

~~to never see child again.~~

~~The woman lives by herself with no womb~~

~~and no veil,~~

~~as a child far away dreams~~

~~of the skirt he once hung on,~~

~~of the skirt that turned to loam.~~