Coming Home

It’s really quite amazing how many people travel every single day, all around the world. Planes, trains, buses, cars, bikes, or on foot. Look how far we’ve come, from bare feet, to shoes, to wheels, to engines and to wings. People have gone to space! But, there is a universal longing when you travel embedded in everyone that cries out for a return to normalcy. A return to your own house, your own room, your own bed; Your home.

I think it’s a normal process as a kid growing up in the U.S to bitch and moan about how shitty our country is. I did it all my life, and I understand where everyone is coming from, don’t get me wrong. BUT, the stuff we complain about, is the same stuff people abroad bitch about in regards to their govrenments. There are protestors outisde of parliament bitching about war, taxes, politics, lies, what have you. Being abroad makes you realize how amazing your home is though. No where can compare to your family, your friends, your favorite foods, your favorite hangouts, etc. I loved it here, ABSOLUTELY FUCKING LOVED IT. This is an amazing country. The food is banging, the people are super nice, the sights are older than our country, the public transportation is first class, and teh drinking age is 18. We met hardcore kids just like us at home, AND THEY KNEW KIDS I KNOW FROM HOME. The world is smaller and smaller everytime I look at it. Still,

I CANT WAIT TO SEE YOU ALL AND BE HOME!!!!!!!

IM SO FUCKING EXCITED

Homesick

You never really comprehend how monumentally important things are to you, until you’ve left them and there’s no way of getting them back. I feel like im in a kind of strange limbo; an international purgatory. Every day in Wallasey with Cathy, Jimmy and Ryan was like a little slice of heaven for me. Ever since my mom died, it’s been rough trying to piece myself back together. My main goal in coming to England was to put those pieces back into me, and in a strange way, it worked. There is so much love and affection stored in that little house on Rappart Road, that you could fill the River Mersey with it and overflow the banks and swallow one mile in each direction. I didn’t realize how emotionally invested I became with that house and those people, until I arrived in London. Now don’t get me wrong, im sure London is an awesome city, and I know damn well I haven’t given it a proper chance to let its true colors shine, but I can’t get over how much I miss Wallasey, and how much I miss my home. I’m a walking hurricane of anxiety, fear, and sadness right now, that im afraid what will happen if I let it out.

For the sake of it, I will give London a shot, but it’s going to be hard. Maybe if I sleep a lot tonight and get some pep back in my step, I’ll be ok. I did wake up today at 7 am, say goodbye to my family who I love and adore, travel  6 hours to a foreign city and then experience the worst fit of homesickness and anxiety I’ve ever had. Its been a long day for sure, and I might be overreacting, but this is how I feel. I love Cadah and for her, I will swallow this sickness im feeling and put on a happy face. We’re going to go out on a date for example, which is awesome for us because we haven’t in a while. Were gunna go shopping and take tours, etc. I just have a hard time being excited because my hearts not into it. My heart, it seems, went home already, and left me here. I need to follow it, but it won’t be 4 days until im able. Plus, im afraid of flying; deathly afraid of flying.

I must sound like a huge idiot, because people would DIE to come to London and I’m moaning about it. COME, it is really interesting, but I just don’t want to be here. It isn’t you London, it’s me. See you in the morning and we’ll see what happens.

GO TO THIS SHOW!!!! LIGHT IN MAY!!!!!!

Feb 5 20106:00PAMITY TEEN CENTER w/ FORSAKEN THE SKYWoodbridge, Connecticut

go see this! Light in May is fucking amazing and support my buddy Andy C. He’s had soem of the best local bands over the years, and his new project Light in May deserves every bit of hype they get. I’ll be here as it’s 5 minutes up the street from my college, and you should be too. BE THERE! I cant wait to see this, and it makes me homesick knowing that bands like Curses, Auburn and Light in May are playing without me moving around for them. FUCK!